kowase | IC INBOX

IC INBOX - kaisou

I'm busy. Make it quick.
(or just don't leave a message at all.)

username:

dark slayer

✉ ☏ 📷

[If Vergil ever managed a double-entendre, Zulius would honestly assume he'd been taken over by a pod person. That would be the only explanation for such behaviour. Which is to say Zulius is well used to the wall. It's a big, obnoxious pain in the ass thing to clamber up and peek over, but he doesn't mind. He understands why it exists and is fine with Vergil dealing with it at his own pace.

But this is pretty nice. He really wasn't expecting the wrist kissing thing, and he just stands there for a moment, dumbfounded. Where the fuck did Vergil pull that from? Holy shit???? If he wasn't blushing before, he sure is now. How in the sweet zombie Jesus is a person supposed to handle a move like that? He doesn't know!!!! He wasn't READY for it!! This is CHEATING!! Somehow!!!]

Oh, sweet merciful Bridgerton.

[Fucking help him. He's too gay for this. Vergil will need to give Zulius a hot second to gather himself. ]

Oh yeah for suresies! [Should he ask about this, he doesn't want to break the spell but also he should probably.

Check.]

Sooooo. You're more romantic than usual- not complaining! Just making a note of appreciation!

[ if Vergil were the type, maybe he'd make a fun comment about the bridgerton quip. Instead, he's, as expected, somewhat confused by it. Just like he's confused about the idea that any of this is strange.

he hasn't even considered it.

...That is, until Zulius brings it up. And then he actually stops, and thinks. Trying to figure out what it is he's talking about. 'More romantic' than usual? Is he?

There's a strange look on Vergil's face. ]

It is a holiday that's meant for it, yes? [ wait, no, that was.
probably.

the most awkward thing he's ever said. He pauses. And really looks like he's thinking. Trying to... actually put the pieces together. He isn't a stupid man, by any means of the word, but. There's a puzzle here that he hasn't even noticed the pieces are here for.

He rubs a thumb along Zulius' knuckles as he continues to stand there, thinking. ]

I do not feel strange.
Just. Merely that I wish to show you the appreciation I have for you. [ the links are slowly clicking together, into place. ] I feel I need to. Moreso than usual.

...Ah, that is strange, is it not. Normally I would feel vast amounts of apprehension for this sort of thing. Pride gets in the way of showing one's emotions. [ he's gone full calculating professor mode. ]

But I feel fine. I feel fine--and yet.
I likely could kiss you here in front of everyone and feel no shame for it.

...Ah, now that is not ordinary of me.
I would ordinarily prefer to close a curtain.

[Zulius watches as Vergil tries to work through the mental gymnastics to figure out just what in the hell is happening to him right now. Is he a little disappointed that this probably isn't all of Vergil's own violation? A little. It's a dint to his pride, but he can live with it. He's got pride enough for days.]

Oh, trust me, Babe. I'm feeling the appreciation right now. It's great. A+ work. Buuuuut yeah. Maybe it's some... weird thing with the Gate? That happens, right? Weird Gate Stuff? Did you eat anything different? Did you get magic roofied, Babe?

[The thumb on his knuckles is really nice. And his heart gives a happy little flutter when Vergil talks about just kissing him in front of everyone. That's all real nice. He's feeling pretty dang twitterpated.

But then Vergil keeps talking. And Vergil words that in the worst possible way he could. Zulius' brow furrows lightly, carefully pulling his hand free from Vergil's so his arms can cross, his ears slicking backwards. ]

...You ashamed of me, Vittore?

[It is not the tone he uses when he's about to go off on an overly dramatic not-really-mad-it's-just-for-the-bit screaming monologue. This one is soft and quiet- genuine hurt bubbling under the surface. ]

[ it's kind of amazing, how the blood of a demon from hell can go cold just from a sentence comprised of five words.

Five words and a name that Zulius hasn't called him in months.

Those cat-like eyes flicking to stare at Zulius as the chatter stops. any working thoughts on what could be happening grind to a powerful halt that would cause serious gear-breaking in any sort of cogged machine.

He goes over the words again, and in moments he realises his mistake. He just ate his entire foot, didn't he. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck that's not at all what he meant and -- it rises its head again. Like a hydra who can never be beheaded, his inability to properly interact with others has come back to bite him. ]

That is not what I meant.

[ flippant. ungainly. not an actual apology. he has to amend that. he shakes his head. ]

You are not the source of my shame. You have never been--and never will be. I apologise, I can see how the mess I just allowed to leak past my teeth may have insinuated that, I recognize that, and I would ask your forgiveness for sounding so callous.

But that is not it. The source of my shame is--emotive. Showing emotion. The sort of upbringing I have--had, I am trying to break myself of it, but it is exceedingly difficult. Having the public see my yearnings so loudly and apparently is often a large source of embarrassment for me. It is not you--I get embarrassed showing emotion around my family, as well. It is why, until this past year, I preferred being on my own.

[ he raises a hand, to place his palm on Zulius' cheek--a slow, careful motion, as if he would allow the other to stop him before he reaches it. ]

I am sorry. On this day, of all, I do not want you to think I am ashamed of this.

Of you.

[Where Vergil fumbles with and often straight-up drops his hold on emotions most times, Zulius swings the other way. He's a goddamn pro at using emotion like a weapon of war- a sharp-barbed comment designed to cut anyone down to size, a dazzling show of fabulous aloofness to hide behind like a shield, a catty, unflinching pep talk to pull someone out of a funk. Oh, Zulius knows how to use emotions well.

There's a knee-jerk reaction to do it now. To go on some wild self-defensive tangent to protect himself from getting hurt worse. Because that had hurt, and he promised himself he wouldn't let himself get hurt again. He wants to slam up some fabulous walls and just GO OFF. That might make him feel better. Maybe.

...Except he knows it won't. Maybe it would for a brief, glorious moment, but it won't help in the long run. Because he's fallen ass-over-elbow for this giant, awkward goober of a man, and slamming a hand on the destruct button on what they've got going on is something he just cannot bring himself to do. Even if it means allowing a level of vulnerability he really does not afford many people.

So he takes a deep breath, lays down his emotional arms and actually listens to what Vergil has to say. He tries to listen with the careful, deliberateness that Vergil would think with. And of course, it's that. Of course, it fucking is. Zulius lets out a long, slow breath. Jesus christ, this absolute goddamn moron. ]

You really need to get better at using your words.

[There's no venom in it, just a soft, gentle chide. He doesn't pull away when Vergil reaches out to put a hand on his cheek. Instead, he relents, lifting his own hand to curl gently around the wrist of the one at his face. ]

Okay. I get it. I mean... I don't really get it, the emotion thing's never really been a problem for me. But I get why it's one for you. Aaaand I know you're trying to get better on that one- and you so have. I'm not gonna nuke you from orbit for one- admittedly pretty badly put screw up. [It was SO BADLY PUT, Vergil. He needs you to understand this. ] I promised I'd have you warts and all and I guess that sometimes includes some messy-ass faux pas.

[He gives Vergil's wrist a little squeeze. Reminds himself this was just Vergil being a fucking idiot and it wasn't anything aimed to hurt him deliberately. That he knew, really, Vergil wouldn't do that to him. ]

Okay, you absolute flunking moron. You're forgiven. You're lucky I [he almost says something else, then last minute spins it differently] am feeling very generous today. Earlier buttering up helped your case to be sure.

[ knowing how to be kind and actually putting it into practice are two completely different concepts and Vergil has been better about it lately--but here is a prime example of him completely missing the target.

He feels embarrassed and there's a weird feeling in his head that makes his ribcage ache and it might be hours until he properly puts a name on the (guilty) feeling.
To make Zulius feel like he was ashamed of him? To be seen with him, to show him affection? No, that was wrong. He hadn't been terribly public with their relationship--no, but Vergil wasn't terribly public with anything, so he hadn't thought about it until he put his foot into his mouth so quickly he was in danger of losing some teeth.

He dips his head a little low as zulius gives him what he absolutely doesn't deserve: all the patience and generosity to forgive him for one of his many fumbles.
Really, what did he deserve to get this sort of patience and yet zulius brings it. Every time. ]

I do not deserve your patience. [ he's going to outright say it. because he absolutely understands how badly he'd fucked up. god. if youre listening, god, please let him stop doing this eventually. ] But I will take your generosity.
I am not ashamed of you. Being with you, or otherwise.
You could announce it to the entire app and I would not stop you, or be upset about it.

Embarrassed? Yes. Ashamed? No. That is not the feeling.

I just wish for that to be clear.

[Vergil can Not Enjoy that unpleasant feeling for a while. Such will be his penance for well and truly putting his foot in it. Luckily for Vergil, the storm seems to have passed. There's still a twinge somewhere in Zulius' chest- more from old wounds, old fears being prodded at more than any genuine worry about Vergil's feelings. None of that is on Vergil, not really.

Would he like a little more public affection from time to time? Sure, he's deeply, deeply fond of Vergil and it's... nice to see that feeling reciprocated. But he knows Vergil is always gonna be Vergil, and it wouldn't be fair to expect him to step out of his comfort box any more than it would if Vergil expected him to be tawdry and quiet. They were who they were and Zulius' ego could get them through Vergil's awkwardness.

Still, he tsks lightly. ]

It's not about deserving, Verg. You get it regardless. I think you've earned it and I'm the only one who gets a say in it. So there. [Still, he turns his face, so he can press a little kiss against the pad of Vergil's thumb, then with a playful smile:] But yeah, you best had take it, Handsome.

I announced it to Elliot and that's basically the same thing as announcing it to the entire app.

[Once Elliot knew that was it. EVERYONE knew. That's just how his friendship with Elliot works, they both have a mutual understanding of that. ]

I hear you, Verg. Loud and clear. [Then, a little softer, because as much as he'd like to lean back onto his old habit of brushing aside the Hurt Feelings and covering them with glitter and sass, he does owe Vergil, of all people, a little more honesty than that.] ...Really. Thanks. It means a lot. It was just a reminder of... old stuff. [Old stuff. A Ghost of Zulius' past. The unmentioned and reviled Him. ] It wasn't... all on you. I'm working on it.

[Trusting that Vergil isn't going to make him feel like a pathetic joke and gaslight him into believing it was his fault. It's a work in progress. ]

[ it's been absolutely noted. Perhaps, sometime in the future, he will do something crazily PDA just to prove his sincerity about what's been said today. For now, he's going to do a half-turn and offer an arm to Zulius. ]

Ah, and here I thought you were Gossip King in Kaisou, and now I have to worry about another? I am uncertain if I have ever spoken to Elliot. Now I know to be careful.

[ hahafuck :) ]

I would like to avoid reminding you 'of the old stuff', in the future. Such ghosts should not follow you, and as much as I work on myself and how I handle my emotions now and into the future, I can also learn to be aware of your emotions.

[ now, that being said... ]

Our dinner reservation does await.
I made a point to pay a little extra to have them bring out a couch for you to sit on 'for the occasion'. While they may see you as human, I wanted to make sure you were at your comfort, as well.

[And lo, that day will be another where he flusters the holy hell out of Zulius in a public place. Truly, then, he will be a winner. ]

Hah, I'm the Gossip Queen, Babe. That's much higher- but El does a good job. You should be super careful, he hears eeeeeverything.

[He is doomed, he is so very doomed. Zulius' smile softens as he slips his arm into Vergil's.]

I appreciate you so much, you know that right? Even MORE if you've got me a couch to sit on! I can lounge while I eat which is always a treat!

[Better than awkwardly trying to fake-lean on a chair so it looks like he's sitting on it. He flips on his human illusion, flashing Vergil a grin.]

Okay, Babe, I am SET. Let's go.

I will keep an eye out for Elliot whenever I am doing or saying anything that may get spread around like mushroom spores.

[ taking grip of his arm, he'll start for the door. He COULD teleport them, he supposes, but why not walk. It's not so terribly far a distance that they won't make it there soon enough, but.

It's a nice night and maybe the idea of walking side-by-side with someone dear to you is something he enjoys. Not that he'll ever admit it anytime soon. ]

With how patient you are, I have come to assume you appreciate me for some things.
The owners of the restaurant seemed annoyed at the idea of someone sitting in a couch to eat, but. [ he doesnt have to say that a generous enough tip on top of the reservation culled their arguments quickly. ] It is a special day.

Smart move! He's in the Vogue a lot, he like rules the orchestra pit.

[With an iron fist, even. But at his orchestra staff are sooooo much more efficient now and frankly, Zulius is too scared of Elliot to try and out him, so he gets his little territory within the Vogue and everything is fine.

It is a nice night, and it's very pleasant to be able to walk arm-in-arm with his boyfriend- Zulius is very happy with this turn of events. He laughs softly.]

I mean, more than some. You want me to write you a list, Big Guy? [Because he will! He doesn't need to say it, Zulius can read between the lines. ] Awww, thank you, Babe. I owe you one. I can TOTES make a whole drama about having a leg condition to make them feel guilty about being snotty to you.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

IC INBOX - kaisou

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject