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IC INBOX - kaisou
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(or just don't leave a message at all.)
(or just don't leave a message at all.)
username: dark slayer | ✉ ☏ 📷 |
username: dark slayer | ✉ ☏ 📷 |
no subject
There is nothing wrong with the sword. As a fighting form, it is effective and beautiful. But it also requires a great deal of control, and to strike with a sword is point-for-point more dangerous than with a spear. It is far too easy to expose your weaknesses with the sword even if you are practiced.
[Zhongli notes this silently, adding it to a mental list of things to develop routines around so that Vergil can gain some much-needed strength and stamina. There's no way to do that except through hard work. He doesn't doubt that he'll be devoted, though, after a session like this.
Vergil has always sought knowledge, and Zhongli is using this to better Vergil's life. Whether he likes it or not!]
I have many times. There are countless gates that we know of on this earth, and far more that we do not. Some are only temporary. Others are like the Stable Gates you're aware of.
[He makes a small correction to Vergil's posture. No hunching, sir.]
There are wonders and dangers in equal abundance, and it has been like this for a very long time. Even the strangest legends may contain a mote of truth.
As for myself...
[He pauses, then he rests the blunt end of his staff on the ground.]
I don't mind discussing some topics that fall outside our contract. If I considered answering one question of yours each time we train together, would that be enough for you to continue the lessons? I can't guarantee an answer simply because there are things I am bound not to disclose, but if such a topic comes up I'll allow you to ask a different question.
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no, he has a good feeling about the spear. it suits his current self--the need to protect himself--much better.
he'll likely complain about stamina training just a little, if only because it means he'd have to do more than his regular cardio. He has an exercise bike and it works great okay??? ]
I have not bothered to go near any of those gates. Both likely out of a desire to not get myself into a situation I would find unfavorable, and because I am not really keen on the idea that if something goes... wrong in one, that I may not come out.
[ he'd rather not get lost in a stable gate--or one of the unstable ones.
...but. he is listening to zhongli's new offer. pausing in following and repeating forms alongside his friend with the spear, idly letting it rest against his shoulder as he... considers it.
It's a completely fair thing to offer. Rather, it's a very generous offer that Zhongli is putting on the table between them--from what he can tell, zhongli has little to gain from this sort of agreement, and there's an... odd feeling in his chest as he thinks longer on it. ]
That would be more than generous of you to offer, if I am to be completely honest with you.
It almost makes me feel as if I am the only one benefitting from where I am standing.
Unless you have something in mind to ask in return of me?
That being said, if it is within my ability to do something for you in return, I would so so in a moment.
[ ...friend? isn't that what friends do? ]
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Understandably so. I believe I also warned you for that precise reason... As we've discussed, it's dangerous. Until you're more accustomed to the dangers, I must insist you don't go in alone.
[Take Grandpa, he's here to help.
Vergil is tipping his hand, though, in being so considerate. He pauses in the instruction for now, so Vergil can rest for a few minutes.]
I wasn't going to consider it part of our contract. [As usual, he chews his words, but there's warmth to them.] We are friends, and defining a friendship via a contract isn't feasible... Just how does one measure sentiment or fondness?
[He used the f word, oh no. It has been ten years, after all... and he knows that isn't a small amount of time to a human.]
But if you'd like, I can break it down for you. You enjoy learning the knowledge I share with you, Mr. Vittore, and I enjoy sharing what I know.
[...]
For me there is intrinsic value merely in the telling and the recalling of information. Discussion of the stories keeps the memories alive. Paper becomes brittle and eventually turns to dust, and even rock succumbs to water over time. One cannot record the truth of history without acknowledging these facts. So much history changes from the moment it is written to the day it is recalled, reclaimed, and taught.
Yet perhaps in my memory, the truth can live a little longer, unsullied as such by the erosion of time. Long enough for me to pass it on so it outlasts even the end of a world.
[He thinks about the first time he set eyes upon the Glaze Lilies in the courtyard of the apartment complex. Teyvat is dead, but parts of it endure. Is he the final witness of his beloved Liyue? He isn't the same as the god who raised it, but he still feels beholden to that land and its people. They suffered, they persevered, they struggled, they overcame. They deserve to be remembered.]
That... would be most ideal.
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he'd unfortunately been unable to break himself free of that cycle, so instead of being upset about it, he merely accepted that he was a loner. his personal interests and study leading him into comfortable, quiet days and nights, he never really had an issue with it.
But here is Zhongli, a business colleague he's had for going on a decade, who still to this day did not call him by his first name--casually commenting that they were friends. That the man was fond of him. Vergil wasn't someone who lets emotions leak out onto his face, but there is certainly a moment where he just ... stares at the other, as if in awe. Realising that
...yes, Zhongli is. Most certainly his friend. Why hadn't he considered that before?
There was a fondness that Vergil held for the man, one he hadn't considered before. How he'd barely leave the man on 'read' for more than a day whenever they did get in contact with one another.
Long nights of talking about manner of history or discussing the origins of a new artifact Vergil had been trying to get his hands on, he almost feels embarrassed, in a few more moments that he'd considered the fact that the man was willing to train him to defend himself had been transactional from the start.
Zhongli was aiming to help and protect him. As a friend would. He felt so very stupid in this moment--a feeling that is completely alien to his usually so put-together self. ]
You are right, of course.
In all things here that you've said, you are right. I apologise, I got so caught up in the idea that most of the things I do with others are ... often transactional, that it had slipped my mind that there are other things in life than losing and gaining.
You'll forgive me for being a fool for a moment, one would hope.
[ it is ideal. Zhongli is right. ]
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Of course a cordial relationship between a merchant and a customer can be a prosperous one, so I can hardly fault you for assuming that and nothing further. Your world has expanded rapidly in the past few weeks, as well. It'll take some time for you to sort your feelings on all of this.
[It's true, though. These lessons are so that Vergil can protect himself. Zhongli does care, for as much as he allows himself to care. He has always been so very bad at distancing himself from the people he considers his responsibility.]
Sometimes there are things we are unable to see, or unwilling, even though they are right before us.
Do you still have that old celadon bowl you bought a few years ago? You had me look at it because you couldn't find a dealer who could place the time period. He told you it was Song, which was a rather erroneous assumption.
When I told you that I could only guess it was much older, that wasn't the entire truth. I knew that bowl hailed from the Eastern Jin dynasty and still I kept this to myself. It wasn't until much later that I realized why I couldn't say anything.
[He doesn't elaborate why, though. Instead he tests the balance of the spear again.]
Shall we do one more round of what you have learned, and then break for the day?
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I am not used to adjusting my feelings, given my... preference of solitude. Something I am quickly coming to learn I likely cannot continue with in this place. [ not when the libra app exists, not when his past life is coming to literally haunt him.
but.
Ah.
ah, now zhongli admits something that has his head absolutely turning, and he's squinting at his friend with a measure of confusion. ]
I still have that bowl, yes. [ he says, with a measure of whimsy. ] I did not end up selling it because I was determined to find out the exact date on it in case I accidentally let it go for a price that was far under what it is worth.
[ ...the fact that zhongli words it like he COULDN'T say anything about it, instead of wouldn't, or something else... does that suggest he was incapable? something stopped him? blocked out his knowledge? that's... curious. ]
Jin Dynasty. You're not kidding. [ well, now he has a vague idea of its value. But... he nods. ]
One more round should be enough. I am trying not to let my lack of stamina show here, but this thing is far heavier than it appears when you're using it for defence.
...
Should I ask why you could not reveal the bowl's origin to me?
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[Though it was so long ago for him now now... About as old as that bowl, which Vergil is now keenly aware is very fucking old.]
The third century, [he adds, though it's probably unnecessary. It's the closest he can give to a year without being very weird about it. Though, to be fair, he is already being weird about it.]
The spear weighs as it should. You'll gradually notice it less and less. One more round, then—and I'll give you your answer.
[He resumes the steady lancer position once more, and leads Vergil through another drill. Step, forward thrust, step, backward thrust. Step, forward thrust...
Once he's satisfied with a few repetitions and that Vergil won't so easily forget them overnight, he calls for Vergil to halt.]
I think that's a good place to stop. You've done well today.
[He reaches out to take Vergil's spear so he can place them into the cases. Only when everything is tidied up does he step back, take a breath, and finally answer the question as promised.]
I couldn't divulge the origins of the bowl because there are many memories associated to such an object. Or rather, the object reminded me so strongly of someone that I wasn't willing to revisit them... I recognized the pattern immediately, however. It hails from Emperor Yuan's court, when he held it in the south.
[His tone is calm, almost as if reciting a story that happened to someone else, but there's an undeniable sense of regret running through the whole tale.]
I knew someone who had deep affection for such stoneware. He aspired to one day be counted among the finest of potters, and worked diligently to that end. I sponsored him from my position and took him into my house, but even a fortune less modest than mine would not have been able to cure his illness. He passed before his twentieth summer.
[He was but one of many who entered Zhongli's life and left shortly thereafter, imparting lessons, reminding him to reach out to others, and weathering that stone heart a little more.]
His story is by no means an uncommon one, especially in those times. Still, he was the first one to reach out to me when I thought myself unapproachable. For that reason alone he stands out among my memories of that time.
[There are so many old friends he's lost. Countless ones. He enjoyed his time with them all, and perhaps they have some form of immortality, preserved as they are inside his memory... but it isn't the same.]
no subject
Once Zhongli announces the end of the session, he does his best not to give a small sigh of relief. His arms ache from holding the heavy weapon that he's not yet accustomed to, and yet at the same time, he feels like something was accomplished. Even if he knew he'd need at least another at least dozen lessons before he'd be able to even start putting practice into anything vaguely hinting at action. It's fine. He's patient.
And when Zhongli starts to tell his tale, recounting his memories of that old bowl, and the reason he'd hidden what knowledge he did have of it, he can't help but to feel... something. His mind taking the pieces of the puzzle zhongli is scattering before him, putting them together piece by piece, even if many of the more important ones were being withheld; he feels like he's just realised something.
zhongli spoke of this potter from emperor yuan's court as if it was a memory of something experienced, not a tale retold. the story of his own friend who made such wares such as that old jade bowl--a craft that was not as commonly practiced in these more modern times.
'Especially in those times'.
That was the comment that sealed it all home in his mind, and his gaze is slow as it reaches his old friend.
...Possibly his oldest friend, and not by measure of how long he knew the man. He's just settling with that, with a nearly curious look on his face.
Certainly it won't change his camaraderie with the man but it... adds so much perspective, it's startling. ]
Thank you for recounting the tale. I now understand why you were reluctant to share what you knew at the time. It sounds as if you had a memory that was sore to revisit. In your shoes, I feel I may have reacted much the same.
[ however... ]
But with this story I cannot help but to wonder. If that old bowl I have, if its actual age that I know now is one similar to another relic I apparently know.
[ you. you are relic. ]
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Ah. So he's finally put the pieces together, has he? He'd like to hear what, exactly, he's figured out... but that will be for another time. Zhongli only said he'd answer one question.]
I think I know the relic you speak of. [... One question. But he does like Vergil a great deal.] That one, I think, predates the bowl by a few decades. Did you ever read Romance of the Three Kingdoms, by the way? It's one of my favorite novels. Luo Guanzhong wrote it before William Shakespeare ever picked up a pen, but I would argue it's of similar cultural significance to the East.
[That sure is a hell of a hint, though.]
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social cues, never heard of her. ...Zhongli offers another hint, and his head comes up quickly when it's given. ]
Yes. I am very familiar with those stories. CaoCao is one of my favorite warriors, an ispirational story of a man rising the ranks from humble beginnings to become the leaders of a great kingdom.
I have a copy of the book that was hand-copied, written in text that's so old it's difficult to read. I keep it locked inside a case in my shop.
[ alright fuck zhongli is old as balls ]
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[HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM????]
... Anyway, I would love to see that copy of Romance sometime, and perhaps I'll tell you what I know of the writings it was based on. The study of historiography is a very interesting one indeed.
[He offers Vergil the carrying case.]
If you'd like, I'll take care of the other one. [He won't forget it like his wallet. Promise.]
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I like to think that even villains in a story play an important part to the tale. While we can disapprove of their actions or lament on how much easier life may have been without their acts, the struggles of those who are on the kinder side of a struggle would be bland if they reaped victory on nothing.
[... hm
talking about that felt weird
...was he just trying to compartmentalize the fact that he saw that past self of his as man like cao cao, or the great qin shi huang? knowing history would see him as one who would be hated as the great enemy of good? it's hard to think about, he doesn't want to linger on it. ]
It is kept in one of my showcases in the shop. I would be too happy to allow you to look it over to see what you think.
And I do not see a reason to disallow you to carry your own spear. I did purchase it for you, after all.
...Thank you for today.
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[He's not sure how he feels about people needing to be the villains. To him there is no such thing as good or evil. Just circumstances, and people who break their word versus those who do not.]
I'll take you up on that kind offer soon.
[He adjusts how the spear's carrying case sits on his shoulder. The thanks takes him by surprise, but then his expression softens a bit.]
Think nothing of it, Mr. Vittore. [He was just upholding his end of the contract.] Though, I did enjoy our training and our little talk. It's been some time since I was able to teach another the spear. It's worlds away from teaching in a university.
Before I depart, are you hurt anywhere? I wouldn't dare send you home with a scratch on you.
[Vergil's new brother might kick his ass.]
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[ he gives a little shrug, taking his own spear over his shoulder.
He'll even offer Zhongli a little bow of his head along with the thanks, a hand touching the collar of the finely pressed shirt he wears under his jacket. ]
How you have the patience to teach at a school is beyond me. You have a hardy resilience that's worthy of respect. [ he chuckles, very quietly.
But, ah. He does take a moment to look over his hands, giving his arms a little stretch. ]
Fortunately, given we only did basic forms, it seems that I ended up unscathed. [ ...he's not sure why he didn't have at least a few starting callouses though. He's unused to wielding a weapon, though, maybe they just didn't come up until the next few sessions?
he has no idea that his regeneration has already kicked in.]So you are sending me home in fine shape. Tired, but fine.
...So, until next time?
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Resilience is a nicer word for stubbornness. [He gives a small laugh.] Some say that is my best or my worst quality, depending on who you ask.
[If Zhongli told Vergil that he was once a bold and brash sort, he would get laughed at, most likely. But the truth is that Zhongli has never walked far enough from that persona. It dogs his heels like his own shadow, reminding him of the cruelty that comes with responsibility, and the war between gods and monsters that took many human lives as well.]
That's good to hear. I've no intention of sending you back in worse shape than you started.
[He smiles slightly, though as always there's a deep undercurrent of sadness that clings to him like a faint, nostalgic scent.]
Until next time. Take care, Mr. Vittore.
[And off he walks, leaving Vergil alone with his questions for now.]