kowase | IC INBOX

[It's hard, in some ways, to see Vergil like this. More than anything else, Nox feels Vergil's pacing echoed right back by his own demon, the growl of annoyance in his head growing as the seconds pass. He wishes there was an simpler way to talk about this information without it seeming like a fucking nuke, but sometimes things just aren't meant to be easy to give at all.

The statement that comes is one that causes him to swallow, nerves trying their damndest to get the best of him.]

Yeah. He is. I am.

[When I'm through with you, I'll make you submit, father.

Nox struggles not to turn tail and run, his inner child wanting to hide, thinking he's in trouble. Even after this admittance, he's uncomfortable in how he's upended Vergil's world just like Dante had. He shouldn't be, but his own heart wears on his sleeve as bright as day, tells so much just in his face alone.

But Vergil's question gets Nox to balk briefly, shaking his head even as he clasps his arms in an effort to not do some stupid gesture instead.]

Are you crazy? You were already facing a lot with learning that Dante was your twin. I didn't want to add to that and just make it worse.

[Truthfully, it had taken a lot of courage to even come to him today, mostly because he was afraid of how this would go. Now, standing here, this isn't as bad as he'd imagined it to be. No accusations of lying, no outburst of pure rage or anything harsh– it's definitely much better than it could have gone.]

Last thing I'd want is for you to feel like you were suffocating.

[ it was absolutely just like the dante situation all over again. where his world was being compounded into something much bigger than he ever expected to experience--becoming someone who he never in his life thought he would ever become.

he came to kaisou for more power--magic fascinated him, but this past life thing.
He was a father. He had a son.
And the worst part was, there was that dreading, gnawing feeling that, due to the memories he's had so far?
He wasn't even a good father. ]

I believe I am starting to feel crazy with all the things I am learning about myself as of late. [ he'll admit that so, so freely. just for you free of charge. ] But If I can be honest with you for a moment, knowing Dante is someone from my past is not... suffocating.

[ on the contrary. ]

August informed me that regardless of what it is I do, I cannot stop remembering who I am. Who I was. Whichever... language you want to use here. This is all still very strange to me.

... But knowing Dante is related to me has helped anchor me, when I have memories of that person. [ which, is unsaid here: knowing you could help him, as well. ]

[To hear the admittance is already a shock in and of itself- Vergil does not strike him as the type to be open about this, much less to someone he's only truly understanding their relationship now. Nox blinks at the words, and then stares back at his father.

Knowing Dante... is not suffocating.

...knowing Dante is related to me has helped anchor me, when I have memories of that person.

They hit him like a truck, like Nox played a game of chicken in a crowded street and lost, and it sets him in the mindset he knows he can follow and say, in this life.]

Look.

[Nox moves. It takes less than five seconds to get to his father. To grab onto a lapel and twist his fingers in it, staring at Vergil dead in the eye, and say what he says.]

If you want this, if it’s not overwhelming for you, then I don’t want to be anywhere else but by your side, helping you through it.

[How many times can he tell his family, his old family, "I missed you?" How many ways does he need to prove that he needs them, that after a year of being the only one from his old home to wake up, that he's been lonely this entire time?

I wasn't alone in this, so I'm not leaving you alone in this.

His family here is around, as are his friends. Without them, he'd be far worse off than where he stands today, and Nox is forever grateful people pulled him by his ear and dragged him into the truth kicking and screaming. And if that's what Vergil needs him to do, he'll do it. But Nox isn't going to let him suffer whatever problems may come, whatever nightmares he may get, on his own.

They're family. Regardless of where they came from, regardless of their past lives or their present ones. They. Are. Family. And Nox refuses now to lose of either of them- come hell or highwater, he'll fight and give everything it takes to keep them protected, and safe. Because they deserve it.]

Edited 2023-05-19 22:18 (UTC)

[ maybe, if he were another man, from another time--still twisted in his thoughts about everything he's done, everything he's experienced; he would be far less open about all of this. it's likely he'd still have a large amount of difficulty believing he's ANYTHING but alone. struggling to let dante back into his life, to admit that all he'd ever wanted was for someone to care about him.

but he was a man named Vittore, someone who had a somewhat emotionally distant, but present family. he'd grown up a little more normal, a little less terrified. he's remembering things he experienced as another person, and they're slowly intertwining into the person he currently was and it's thanks to the adjustment of Vittore that Vergil can hold his head up and look Nox--Nero in the eye and accept this.

Instead of throwing a book at him and running away to a place his son can't follow.

He takes a slow, quiet breath in as Nox asks him, quite plainly; if he wanted this. Just like how when Dante threw himself at him, arms around him in a hug that was more full of love than any other hug he'd ever gotten even in this life. ]

It is the memories that are overwhelming. I still do not fully know who I was in this life before the one I am living, but If there is anything I do understand; it's that that person--that I was alone.

[ he felt it, pitted in his guts every time he remembers something in that man's head. the fact that no matter what was happening, there was noone standing behind him, or in front of him. ]

I do not know how good a father Vergil was to Nero.

...Hell, my own father, in my current life is a pain in my neck and not someone I would enjoy modelling myself after in this life.
But if that's what you want to do.
Then I will not refuse you.

...

Even if you are un piccolo cazzo, I suppose.

[Nox listens, well aware that what's being said is an admittance not just anyone would give, especially considering them and their past lives. But having a stable and normal upbringing here, in this life, gives them a sense of understanding they otherwise might not have.

So to hear that Vergil's past life, as his father, was one where he was alone? Nox's- Nero's- determination flares at the realization, fingers curling even further into Vergil's jacket to make a point.]

Then we'll make up for it now. I won't let you be alone through this, got it?

[Had he known, back then- had he been well aware of having an actual father, known that he was tied to the greatest demon in humanity's history... Nox isn't sure where it would have put him. It's a moot point to think about now anyway.

Then, of course, Vittore admits that he doesn't know how good a father Vergil was to Nero, and Nox has to quietly keep his face still. He could say so much about this, but just knowing Nox was his son in another life is already rough as it is. It'll show up again sooner or later, he's sure of it.

If that's what you want to do, is how Vittore words it, and Nox exhales, turns his head away for a second before he looks back at Vergil.]

I started getting my memories back in January, last year. Didn't seem like much at first, and then as the months went along– it wasn't just me anymore. [His demon began to make itself known.] I had a lot of friends around to help, so it wasn't as if I faced everything on my own...

But I wanted my family there too. My old family. [Nox bites his lip at that from nerves, then sighs.]

I'd pretty much given up on you or anyone else ever showing up after a year went by. So if you think I don't want this, you're out of your fucking mind.

[There's definitely a look of 'what the fuck did you just call me' at Vergil's insult, but Nox can't help but grin.] Hate to say it, Vittore, but you're fucking stuck with me now. Better get used to it.

Edited (when you notice you put a word in the WRONG PLACE.........) 2023-05-25 07:34 (UTC)

[ there was some part of himself that loathed to admit it. struggled to admit it, as if he were giving up some free secret that he'd locked in a cage behind his heart, never to be spoken. He'd watched his house burn, covered in blood, his father's katana in his hand. surrounded by the corpses of his would-be killers, and the murderers of his brother and mother.

he chose a narrow road that day, one where noone else would try to fit on it. in this life his road was a little less narrow, just difficult to walk upon. the words came easier, even if they left his throat feeling dry, his brain feeling foggy.

Nero's hands twist in his coat's lapels, and its as if he's just now realising how close the boy is. he knew he rushed up to grab him, but it was like he's been in shock--and the sensations that had been hidden by his thoughts of you have a fucking son have started to come down just enough for him to lift his eyes up to look at the other. A set of matching blue eyes locked onto his own.

his lips part as he tries to think of what to say. the sincere, genuine promise to not be left alone burns behind his eyes in an odd way, and his brain is working doubletime to translate the words into english in his head.

the words weren't coming.

he's going to
lean his head down to bonk it against nero's. ]

Cruel of this world.
To make you be alone, by yourself, for an entire year. Dealing with the selfsame things I am currently suffering through. I am vexed by it, as the world seems to have spat Dante out just in time for my arrival, and yet, you have been here all along.

[ ...karma, are you being a bitch again? you creature of false hope. ]

There is no point in holding regrets for what could have been found sooner, as it was not even a year ago that I woke up with silver hair, after all. I would have been a stranger to you, had we crossed in the night a year ago when you began to remember.

[ even if there's a part of him that's upset that Nero had to deal with it alone, now--but. His friends, hm. Nero had friends. Nero was well-adjusted, had a life, perhaps even had his own family here. He wasn't some boy, after all--even if his view on the other had become somehow ... different since the confession of who he was had been uttered to the air.

His eyes are cast down. But he doesn't move his forehead from where it's rested against Nero's. ]

...You can just call me Vergil.
As much as I do prefer being called by my professional name.
Somehow.
It sounds strange when you say it.

[There's so much here that Nox is trying to let Vergil process. From learning he was a father, he had a son, and now his own son wants to help him through recovering his memories and going through what he did a year ago. It's a lot to take in, and Nox feels his demon grow agitated the more he waits and lets his father figure things out.

So when Vergil goes and leans his forehead against Nox's, it catches him by surprise for a moment, him going still. The next moment he's gently pushing back against it, eyes closing, exhaling as every single bit of tension and worry leaves him like water going down a drain. Even his demon, impatient and frustrated and angry at how long this is taking, why isn't his father's demon there, stops in its pacing and begins to settle down. This close, Nox can't describe it well– it's... familiar in a way he isn't sure he knows in this life. Comfortable. Safe.]

What mattered most was that none of my friends left me alone in this. Hell, at one point, one of them literally punched me in the face to snap me out of my bullshit. So, yeah, I get it.

[Vergil is right, though. Had they met each other earlier, it wouldn't have even come close to this for a very long time, and probably could have gone even worse.

Were this not as much of a solemn and personal moment, Nox might be smiling like an idiot in winning what to call his father. As it stands right now, this is... deeply important to him, touch like this speaks in volumes compared to any other words that might be said.]

Nero or Nox is fine. I'm both, so it doesn't matter to me. You might hear Dante call me "kid-" it's a nickname he'd given me a while ago as Nero.

[Just... getting that out of the way. He still hasn't moved from his father's touch and has no plans to do so unless it's shown otherwise.]

[ even in this life, he didn't have close bonds with people. the life may change but the soul remains similar and all that--he's always been someone who's been alone most of his life. Words weren't something he was skilled with--half because of the fact that English isn't his comfort language, he can't properly express himself with words he learned off paper.

So what's the easiest way to get feelings across? Headbonk seemed the most appropriate. Not too affectionate, like a hug would be too much in this moment. But a headbump? Fine. He doesn't feel the need to withdraw from it too quickly.
especially not when Nero almost forces himself forward, into it, like a touch-starved stray cat feeling the fingers of someone kind for the first time in years.
His own tension is easing out. ...Maybe something like this wasn't. ...So bad. After all. ]

Perhaps all one needs, sometimes, is a good strike to the jaw to remind you that you are rooted in the moment. I cannot say I am happy to hear someone struck you, but I suppose I can let it go this one time.

[ he hadn't been sure of his choice about moving to kaisou until this moment, a part of him will ... slowly realise.
until this moment, going home had been an option. if this place got to be too much of a hassle. he could convince dante to go back to italy with him, life could continue on.

But now there's Nox.
Now there's Nero.

He feels rooted in the spot. ]

It would not bother you to call you by one or the other? I get... vexed when people refer to me as Vergil. [ but yet
he was starting
ever slowly
Getting used to it
people calling him Verg, as per his Brother's irritating nickname. ]

If you have a preference, speak it quickly, boy.
Else I am not sure which I will end up defaulting to.

...

It will not be 'kid'.

[Touch is probably the best way for him to ease himself from whatever's going on, and the fact that Vergil doesn't even shy from it or hesitate, well. This is stuff he usually does first, not the other way around.

It's nice, actually. To not have to make the first step.

He does huff in amusement, though, doing his best to stay leaning against his father.]

Yeah, well. The one who knocked me to my senses was a former student of mine. Jun's a good kid.

[Nox has no idea, of course, how much weight his being here holds in Vergil's mind and decision to stay. He may never know. All that matters to him is that Vergil is here, as is Dante, and he doesn't want them to suddenly just up and disappear.

At the question of which name to use though, his answer is almost instantaneous.]

I don't have one. My friends call me Nox. Dante calls me Nero. I don't care about one over the other- they're both me. Whatever you find easier to use, use that. I'll answer either one.

[He'd say the same to anyone who asked, but with Vergil, there's something special in finding how family cares that much about the little things overall.]

[ unlike the vergil from nero's past, vittore actually had a mother who was physically affectionate. his father wasn't, sure, but the man was always busy socializing with all his business contracts and getting richer to really pay attention to the fact that his son might want his attention more than showing him how to drive.

he wouldn't be a father like his own, he'd decided, not long ago. he wanted to be someone who was actually present. ]

Jun, hm. Never heard of him, but I will remember that name. [ for better or for worse. ]

If you have no preference, then.
I suppose it will be 'Nero'.
I cannot say I remember ever ... naming you, or if it was perhaps your ... mother who did it, but the name is one that I have a fondness for. [ the roman emperor nero was... a hilarious man, the name almost suits the bratty, ridiculous boy who is both parts clown and frighteningly adept warrior.

...He's going to pinch Nero's ear. ]

I cannot believe you acted that way to me on the network when we first spoke, knowing I was your old man.
To think I would forget?

[Nox's own mother was kind, and his father tried his best to be around as much as he could- travel usually made that difficult, but he took the time to make sure he spent most of his free days with his only son. They did their best to be a good, functioning, and loving family.

Here, with who he is now where they are, Nox knows that his old family didn't have that luxury. Their lives were full of barbs and jagged edges that never seemed to fit back together. Even he, as Nero, had a hard life. But now?

At least now there's a chance of possibly having something didn't in their past.]

Then Nero it is. [He has to exhale as he listens to how Vergil appreciates his name, and there's a grin he can't help but have at it.]

Promise I won't go burning all the city down in a fit, if I can help it.

[And then, of course, Vergil pinches his ear, and Nox lets out a startled noise.]

Ow- why wouldn't I? I usually treat a lot of people like that. You just made yourself really easy to talk to and meme back at.

Edited 2023-06-08 02:47 (UTC)

[ he's remembering those barbs and jagged edges slowly. Easing into them, being startled by what he's remembering. But having Dante--and now, having Nero here--maybe the sharp edges of it all won't hurt nearly as badly as it could have, were he alone.

His father and he had never been close--always the type of man to supply Vergil with money and support with his contacts and influence--but he was never a loving man. Caring only enough to help vergil succeed, not quite affectionate otherwise. It was his mother who had been the one to ... mostly teach him how to act. With grace and politeness, but it had always been that sort of professional gentleness--he'd never learned, even in this life, how to care for others with the whole of his heart.

Something he feels is going to soon have to change, if people keep coming into his life like this.
He's ... so lost. ]

I would asked who raised you to be so crass, but I suppose then I would be inviting unwanted trouble from Nox Miller's father, and I am not sure I am quite ready to have a custody battle for a brat with him at current.

[ not to mention that it would sound INSANE. ]

You are lucky I am willing to overlook and forgive.
If only because I do not feel like disciplining a man in his mid-twenties.

[It's a lifestyle that Nox once would never even imagine he'd get close to. He was an only child, his parents raised him to be polite and proper, professional in the things he did, and kind to people he cared for. He was friendly and a great soul to be around for others, but there was nothing different about him compared to anyone else.

Now? Well. He still has that professionalism, but outside of it, he's much more loose, more lax, more open. Able to breathe and talk about things rather then just walk away and pretend he's fine.]

Nah, this didn't even come from him. I was basically a "nice guy" before I woke up. Pretty boring, all things considered. This is who I was as Nero.

[The smile he wears hasn't left his face- he looks too amused to have it go anywhere, really.]

Yeah, sure. I'll remember that for next time, see if I can keep you on your toes.

[This fucking little shit.]

[ he does listen to everything Nero says--noting that the man says his attitude came from Nero, and not the person he was originally born as. He's gonna do his best to hide the fact that such a sentence... kind of bothers him, instead deciding to focus on the last bit with a soured look on his face.

Finally letting go of Nox's ear, and raising his head from where it's been pressed against Nero's this whole time. ]

...Pray tell, what do you mean by next time.

You are asking for it if you continue to throw your ... millennial strangeness at me.

[Eventually, Vittore will learn that it's his choice how much he lets his old personality really show through. Nox made that choice and got comfortable with who he was– because while it was a past life of his, it was also one he could work into this life, but also still belong to Nox Miller.

It wasn't that hard a choice, but it was a conscious one all the same.

Nox looks at Vergil when he demands an answer to his retort, and he actually grins wider.]

Nah, that'd be telling. Can't spoil a surprise early, right? Besides, I'm pretty sure it'll be good for you.

It is hardly a surprise if you are here, before me, promising that it will happen.

I may not remember much about fighting and personal tactic yet, but due to my fascination with old wars and stories about great battles, I can tell you that I know quite a bit about counter attacks.

[ He's going to tip his head back, lifting his chin as he half turns, a hand up to fix his hair as if headbonking nero had mussed it up, any. ]

You aught learn to keep battle plans to yourself, even if it is just the promise of attack without any real details.

[What's that one saying he usually uses to describe the teens in his classes these days? Oh, right. In one ear and out the other. Which is to say that Nox doesn't take Vergil's warning seriously at all, he actually finds it hilarious.]

Oh, that wasn't a promise, Vergil. That was a threat. [And maybe he looks way too much like a shitposter at that, but it's in his nature, after all.

"Counter attacks" his ass, he'll believe it when he sees it. Nox gives Vergil a look with a side-eye that says he doesn't believe him at all.]

Sure Jan. I'll remember that.

[He just.

Fucking MEME'D.

AGAIN.

AT HIS FATHER.

He is going to be in so much shit once Vergil gets all his abilities and his weapons back.]

[ he opens his mouth to ask what the hell Jan was. His name is Vittore, or Vergil. Jan wasn't even his middle name, so he's honestly confused to what the hell that means, what the short-haired little brat is trying to...

... ]

[ he doesn't know what it means but it hits him what it was, and he's giving nero a LOOK that shows UTTER DISAPPOINTMENT, before he's turning on his heel to leave.

enough. ]

[Honest to god he can't help it- Vergil makes that face at him and he actually laughs. Vergil really does make this too easy.

Still, he does notice that his father's turned and already leaving. Nox goes back to Red Queen and picks her back up, hoisting her on his back again before turning-]

[And runs at him, full tilt, wings akimbo and grabs him to cart him up right into the air again.

Sorry, did you think he was just gonna let you walk home after he brought you here?]

Alley-oop! You're welcome.

[ WHO SAID YOU COULD PICK HIM UP AGAIN?? hE WAS PERFECTLY CONTENT WITH WALKING AND NOW THIS IS HAPPENING

he makes SUCH a disgruntled sound in the back of his throat as he tries to grab at Nero--turn his head to make sure he didn't BANG it on the doorway as he's scooped up and away from the abandoned old fight club building--tilting his head back with an exasperated noise. ]

Sei pazzo??! [ he snaps, forgetting himself for a moment. Reel it in, Vergil. ] --What if you had dropped me that time! Give a man some warning, fool!

[HE DID, HE SIGNED HIS OWN PERMISSION SLIP :D

The sheer surprise and also anger at Nox's actions actually makes him smile wide, finding his father's swapping to Italian so much more amusing.]

Trust me, I wouldn't. Not for this. [Whether it's answering if he wouldn't have dropped Vergil or given him a warning? Who knows!] You'll be home sooner this way anyway, and then I'll be out of your hair for the rest of the night.

[ struggling in mid-air is a poor-ass idea so he doesn't but that doesn't mean he's HAPPY about this, maybe he WANTED to walk and

god the smile on nero's face is almost infuriating. ]

What do you mean 'not for this?' Grabbing someone and flying off with them without warning absolutely requires SOME form of warning...![ ...he's going to just
resign to this.
letting himself curl up and deal with this. ]

You are truly just going to drop me off at the Auguries and walk off, then. [ ... a small scoff. ] Fine. I need a glass of wine after all of this, anyhow.

[Look, maybe this is gonna end up in payback in some way, but god if this isn't fucking funny as hell. It's... odd to say he's missed this, as he doesn't have specific memories of when he'd do this with Vergil, just more of a solid feeling and vibe overall.]

Yeah, 'not for this.' [You are the LEAST helpful, Nox.] Look, I've spent a whole year flying, and trust me when I say this stuff is literally instinctual.

[A beat, and he actually laughs.] Yeah. I figure you've had enough excitement for a night. Unless you want me to cause more trouble.

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